Lessons from Painful Separations

Letting go of a man I love so deeply for reasons that I can’t wrap around my rational mind has been a painstaking journey. Pain itself is a journey. On this journey, my heart has cried in ways I couldn’t fathom, noises coming from a place deep within, sounding as though they came from another time and place.

Yet I step into this new skin like I have never before. Only a year ago, I would’ve been devastated. Laying in bed crying for days and months together, wondering where I went wrong. How I could win him back (although there was nothing to win really because what’s meant to be yours will always come back to you and what wasn’t won’t).

But there are too many powerful women in my life now and too many lessons from them for me to lay devastated in bed.

And here’s what I have understood —

1) In times of big transitions and pain, first find a mentor, a teacher, a therapist to help to make some immediate sense of the situation I am in. This gives my rational mind a reason to go forth with the right decision.

2) Find a safe space for a few days. It’s natural to want to be alone in the initial days to process the feelings, to cry, to wallow in self pity, to forget oneself. But rather, surrounding myself with my high energy friends, meditating in a group, feeling loved and supported was a big step toward a healthy recovery.

3) Read books on growth. Not on how to redeem the past (how to be a better partner etc.). I started reading a book on forgiveness, and the insight it gave me became my strength to move on, to focus on me.

4) Work and Create. In the initial days of the break up, the void that took over me was extremely scary. But when I sat with it, I realized it was a great place for new creative ideas to come from. I listened to them. I acted upon them. The energy to act upon was big. And I took advantage of it.